I've been very angry today. Everything has gone wrong. My daughter, Alyssa, has been sick and ended up in the ER last night and I wasn't there for her. I couldn't help her, I couldn't take Kahlen for her, I was stuck here. I'm her mom and this is the first time I wasn't there for her when she was that sick. I wanted to go to Des Moines but couldn't. She's ok, but I was useless. I know I can't be there every time one of my kids has a runny nose, but she ended up in the ER. I wasn't there.
Today every time I turned around some stupid thing was going wrong. I kept stepping on one of Bazinga's chew toys, which hurt a lot. Things didn't work right. Everything was getting on my nerves and making me angry. I kept throwing things and yelling at no one. Mostly because there was no one there to yell at.
This evening, still angry, I stopped to read my friend Reanna's blog. She had posted about how she and her husband had been trying for three years to get pregnant. How much it hurt. Yet she still has the faith in God that He has a perfect plan for her. She posted this verse:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I felt myself take a deep breath. My anger subsiding. Still not sure how things are going to work out, but knowing, somehow, they are. God does have perfect plans for us. Several years ago I prayed and begged for something that I thought I desperately wanted. When I didn't get it I was angry then, too. Looking back on it, I am so grateful to God that He said no. He knew what I needed, even if I wasn't smart enough to understand it. He knows what I need now, too. Even though, once again, I am not smart enough to see it yet.
So, here I am. Giving my problems to God. Knowing that he will take care of my family, my friends and yes, even me. I know He is there. I know He has a plan. Thank you, Reanna, for helping me to see that again,