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Friday, May 27, 2011

Mom Tops

 I have recently been able to confirm something that I have suspected for years. I have a disorder. It is one I have lived with for years and years. It has been a burden that I have learned to deal with. I always felt very alone, thinking I was the only one afflicted with it. I suffered in silence, thinking I was somehow at fault, that I did something wrong to be punished with this harrowing shame. Just recently they have put a name to the disorder. Perhaps with much research a cure will be found.

The name of this horror is... ECODD, aka Electric Can Opener Deficiency Disorder. Now, for those of you that may wonder if you, too, may have this affliction, here are the signs and symptoms. First, when you want to open a can, and the only thing around is an electric can opener, your palms start to sweat. Then your hands develop a slight but disabling tremor. You know, you just know, that it isn't going to end well. You try to put the can on the can opener, it falls off. You try again and some how succeed only to have the can opener tease you by dropping your can before it is even 1/8th open. You try again but the can opener refuses to start where it left off. You restart it at a different place and again the can opener drops it. You repeat this pattern until, 3 hours later, you have finally opened the can, just enough, that with some creative prying,  you can almost get its contents out.

Does this sound like you? Have you experienced this pain and embarrassment? Then you, too, may have ECODD. If you want to know for sure, this is the gold standard symptom... Imagine, if God, Himself were to come down from Heaven. He put a can in front of you and said, "This can is full of what you need to make all of your hopes and dreams come true. All you have to do is open it." He only offers you an electric can opener or your teeth to open said can. If you choose your teeth, you definitely have ECODD.

Yeah, so basically I can't open a can with an electric can opener to save my life. I can open a can better with a hand held can opener while holding a screaming 6 month old baby, (which I think should be an Olympic event, by the way) better than I can with the most high end electric one. We haven't owned an electric can opener for years. There was one model, once, that worked for me, but it broke quickly, and they don't make them any more. I have, bravely, adapted though. We have found a great brand of hand held can opener. We own two. I love my hand held openers.

I have also become very adept at finding cans with "mom tops" as they have come to be known in our household. I know most call them pop tops, but I get so delighted when my cans have them, we call them mom tops. I know I'm probably paying 30 cents a can more for them, but I can open them! That alone makes it worth the extra money. I'm thinking it was someone else who suffers from ECODD that decided that putting them on cans larger than snack packs was a good idea. He's my hero!

2 comments:

  1. How funny - I hate those pop tops because I always splatter myself with whatever is in the can when I open them!

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  2. That's just the price I pay for something I can open. Whoa is me!

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