Not My Proudest Moments

See this box of ice cream bars. Unfortunately, so did I. Normally, when I'm leaving work, I can walk by the ice creams with no problem. I may stop and scan them, usually looking to see if I see something Willie might like. He enjoys ice cream much more than I do, not that I don't like it, but he loves it.

Tonight as I walked out of the break room where the time clock is and I stopped and scanned the ice cream, not intending to buy anything. I really wasn't. Then, suddenly, these jumped out and started screaming at me. Apparently, I was the only one who could here the screaming, as the person walking past me just kept on going. I looked again, I was hungry. We have ice cream at home I told myself. I went to take a step. The screaming got louder.




Maybe this might be a good time to explain something. My job is to stand over a vat of molten lava, okay, hot oil, and fry donuts for eight hours. I was supposed to get off at 2:00 am, but because we had extra donuts to fry due to Father's Day, it was 3:00 am and I hadn't taken a break, except to run to the bathroom, all night. My little corner of the bakery gets up to 85-87 degrees and I was hungry, hot and sweaty.

The ice cream won. I opened the freezer, and after a moment of considering crawling in the freezer, I grabbed the box of ice cream bars. I walked up to the registers and paid for them. I had the cashier put them in a bag, because I didn't know how hot it was outside, and I have a half hour drive home.

Yeah, I didn't need the dumb bag. Once I got to the car, and sat down for the first time in nine hours, except for one bathroom break, I decided I would have one of the ice cream bars as a snack while I drove home.

I finished the delicious, creamy, sweet, and most importantly, cold confection before I got to the interstate. So... yeah I ate another one. Okay, so what, I ate all three of the darn things before I got home. That's right all three of them. And it was WONDERFUL!!! I'd do it again, too, and you can't stop me!

While I was driving home, enjoying the precious miracle that were those ice cream bars, some idiot behind me had his brights on. Of course, the light was bouncing off of every mirror on my car and blinding me. He would turn them down when someone was coming toward us on the other side of the interstate, but then turn them right back on blinding me again. Well, that was starting to annoy.

I'd already been annoyed while I was trying to get my work area cleaned up. The guys that come in to clean the floor had come in just as I was trying to finish up. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate them mightily. The bakery floor has a texture to it that makes it very hard to mop and I'm glad I don't have to. They do a great job and fast. However, they're also unpredictable. Yesterday, they were there at 9:00 pm. That actually works pretty well because I'm the only one there and I can run to the bathroom or do some dishes while they mop the donut area. At 2:00 am, there are three of us there, a baker, the donut finisher, and me, and thats when they showed up tonight. It is a lot more chaotic for them to try to mop then, and since I was already behind and just wanted to go home, I decided to just keep cleaning. I didn't get out of their way when they wanted to mop the donut area. The rest of the bakery needed mopped, too, it wasn't like they couldn't finish that first. They waited for me to give in for a few minutes, but I was stubborn. Finally, they moved on to another part of the bakery. HA! I won! I finished up and then I happily got out of their way while I finished washing dishes.

Anyway, back to the jerkwad with his brights on on the interstate. I was done being annoyed for the night. I slowed down a little. Just enough so that he could pass me. As he passed, aw, I'm sure you know where I'm going with this, BRIGHTS! Turning on my brights was almost as satisfying as the ice cream bars! Blind me with your brights while I'm on a sugar buzz, will you? He stayed in the passing lane, I wasn't done with him. I got in the passing lane behind him. There were no other cars around, it was 3:20 in the morning. He changed lanes, I changed, too. When vehicles would come from the other direction I would be considerate and turn off my brights. It wasn't their fault the guy in front of me had stirred the demon from deep within my soul. Here's the craziest part, the idiot still kept his brights on. The cars and trucks on the other side of the interstate kept flashing the fool. So, I kept it up until I finally got to my exit.

Was I proud of my actions tonight? Not so much. Did I still find some insane delight in each of my less then stellar moments tonight? Why yes, yes I did.

I have a tummy ache.