Is It Ever Too Late?

In junior high and high school I spent my time with a group of friends that I adored. We did every thing together. We were a group of less than popular kids. How we found our way to each other was, well, a miracle. Without the love and support we received from each other we each may have been scared, lonely  and isolated teens, and that is never a good thing.

We made it possible for each to grow and even prosper and bloom in an environment that otherwise would have beat us down. We allowed ourselves to play like children. One mother liked telling the story of how she walked in to her kitchen one day to find us, four high school juniors, sitting on her kitchen floor, finger painting. Through each other we found it possible to dig and play in the snow while the other "popular kids" looked down their noses at us. Because we had each other we found ways to be ourselves, do what we enjoyed, and not worry about the bullies who never took the time to get to know us. We were able to stretch our childhood just a little longer, while maturing at the same time. This is something that teens now don't seem to get to do, I find that sad. Childhood disappears quickly enough without rushing it even more.

It was actually amazing,  the size of our little group of misfits became to be. It started out as a merger of two groups, for me anyway. There was my group of friends from Girl Scouts, I'd know most of them since fourth grade at least and some even longer. Tari was the smart one. She enjoyed new age things, Ouija boards, seances, and well, went out with my arch enemy,  Buck! I thought she was insane. I spent most of seventh grade hating Buck. He spent most of seventh grade pre-algebra class saying things like women belong in barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, (you know much like four presidential candidates are saying now a days.) I kicked him in the shins many, many times, (if it weren't for the secret service, I'd like to do that to those four men.) Then in eighth grade much to my horror, Tari, (remember, I said she was the smart one,) started "going with" Buck. I was horrified! Tari, my best friend, with Buck the man of my nightmares! It was all just wrong, wrong I tell you. But that was how Buck, ended up in my circle of friends. And I am so glad he did. He ended up being one of those strong sources of support in what could have ended up being a lonely time of life.

Buck, it turned out was just saying all of those things about women to rile me up. He didn't really believe them. He, also was very smart and interested in all things new age. He and Tari were a very good fit. He was very quirky and well a little bit strange, but once you warmed up to him, you never had a more steadfast friend. He was a huge fan of Mork, from Mork and Mindy. Robin Williams was one of his heroes, I think. Buck could always make us smile, and grimace at the same time. His personality ranged from telling dead baby jokes, which I always found revolting, (remember we were in junior high), to Star Wars geek, (he saw that movie at least 7 times that I know of, and this was at a time when you had to stand in long lines to see a movie, no multiplexes, and it was only showing at one theater.) He was a very unique personality, one that I have never encountered since, and never expect to again. I know I will never look at another person and say "you remind me so much of my friend Buck." It just can not happen.

Tari and Buck stayed together through ninth grade. That's a long time for a junior high romance. During that time I became friends with Kathy. Kathy was a gentle soul. She was very very kind to me when I insisted on arguing with her one day that her name was not just Kathy. It had to be the shortened form of Kathrine. I, very arrogantly continued arguing with her about her own name. Why she ever stayed friends with me I will never know. I also argued with her that she had to like tomatoes. There was no way someone could NOT like tomatoes. Seriously, I argued with her about that too, again, why she stayed my friend baffled me. I am so glad she did, she ended up being one of my three closest friends all through high school. She was creative, independent, fun and an inspiration. I looked up to her, I respected her, she was braver than anyone I knew. Not brave in a "let's bungee jump off a bridge", but brave in a personal, "I am who I am" kind of way. She was the mother of the group, the one who would listen intently and let you cry on her shoulder. She was one of the four found finger painting on the kitchen floor with me.

Through Kathy I came to know Dawn. Dawn at that time, was a tiny, kind of mousy little thing. In fact our nick name for her came to be Mouse. Our previous contact had mostly been fighting over a chair in social studies in seventh or eighth grade. It was good humored fighting, nothing mean or evil. She got mean and evilness from others. The ones we all ended up protecting each other from. Dawn was a huge target of the school bullies. Especially Paula. Paula was mean, Paula was big, Paula was strong. Paula was the ever popular girl athlete that found it necessary to make Dawn's life a living nightmare. She did everything you know bullies will do. She would taunt, tease, push and hit. She picked up and threw Dawn over two rows of seats in the auditorium on day. We hated Paula, and her friends as well. Here's the thing about Dawn though, the more they pushed her the stronger she became. She stood her ground, she never backed down. She often ended up with bruises and bumps for it, but she always stood back up. She was a ferocious defender of her friends and what she thought was right. If someone was doing anything to hurt one of her friends, you would see this tiny little whirl wind come out of nowhere to defend and protect them. Where Kathy was the mother of the group, Dawn was the mother lion of the group. Dawn was brave in the bungee jump way. Her bravery also impressed and inspired me. Her bravery combined with her creativity made for some very fun and unique times.

Through Dawn, came Kelley. Kelley was the pretty one. She always had a boyfriend, she had a sensuality to her that boys liked. Not one that she flaunted, I don't know that she even knew she had it, but the boys saw it. She was a little rebellious in someways, but had a controlling mother that kept her from really getting out of hand. As much as Kelley pulled against that control I think perhaps now Kelley is thankful for it. I had known Kelley before, she was in my Girl Scout troop in fifth or sixth grade. We hadn't really become friends then. It wasn't until ninth grade that the third of my finger painting cohorts came into my life. She was the one who liked fashion, and wore makeup everyday. When us girls would be getting ready to go to a school event it was she and Dawn that would turn me in to a My Size Barbie and dress me up and put make up on me and make me presentable to the world. Something I never really cared much about, but it was fun and I always felt good when they were done. Kelley was kind, caring and generous, and is still to this day.

As life does, it took friends to different places. In between ninth and tenth grade Tari moved to Kansas City. That devastated me. I missed her terribly. She had been my friend since she moved to the neighborhood in fourth grade. Buck was even more devastated. I like to think his friendship with the rest of us helped him make it through that time. Every day after school we would go to Dawn's house, where fresh oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and Pepsi always waited for us. We would all joke and talk and sometimes cry together. Others joined our group of friends. Usually as boyfriends of Dawn or Kelley's. Buck was very good friends with David, Kelley's boyfriend. I know that friendship helped keep Buck grounded. Then after tenth grade Buck moved to Denver. That left a hole that could not ever be filled and we never tried. No one could ever replace Buck.

Through high school  we all stayed close. Us four girls especially. If I were somewhere Dawn, Kelley and Kathy were there, too. As we all strived to become independent our closeness sometimes seemed to get in the way, but never to the point where we stopped being friends. Even fighting over boys could not drive us apart. In the times when we thought we might hate one or another, our friendship always won out and we'd end up even closer.

Over the years since high school lives got busy and drifting occurred. Families have been raised, challenges triumphed over. The one constant I have always had, since then, was Dawn and Kelley. They have been my rock through hard times and my laughter in good. I know if I need one of them they will come through in ways way beyond my need. They helped me get through two weddings in three months with my sanity intact. Even the distance in miles has not changed that.

I have recently reconnected with Tari, which I am very excited about. I hope it continues. We may find out that we no longer have anything in common, but at least we have the opportunity to find out.

Sadly, the drifting from Kathy has gotten wider and wider. I miss her. She, Dawn, Kelley and I were the four musketeers. We were the finger painting high schoolers. We were inseparable. I found out the other day that her birthday is coming up. So, I got a card and wrote her a letter. It has been such a long time though. Is it ever too late to try to reconnect with old friends?

High School Reunion

 I went to Des Moines Technical High School. I graduated, (wait for it......... it has been a very long time so this will be a very long wait.........) THIRTY YEARS AGO! It astounds me every time I think of it. I grew up at the tail end of the generation that said "never trust anyone over thirty." Now, I have been out of high school for that long. Something is just very wrong about that!

My high school was very different and unique. It was a technical high school. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, it was a school that not only taught you everything you needed to graduate from a regular high school, but taught you a trade at the same time.

 In many ways it was a typical high school, with basketball, football and track teams. In other ways it was very different. We took all of the normal classes, English, math, history. Along with the traditional curriculum we also had a core area. We spent three hours a day in our core areas. Core areas could be anything from nursing, to accounting, to commercial art to auto mechanics. These core areas are what set our school apart from the other high schools in Des Moines, or really, just about anywhere. It was really something very special. An experience I will never forget, and certainly have never ever regretted.

Having spent three hours a day with the same people over a high school career, doing something that you were very interested in together, it brings a different social dynamic than your normal high school. I was in the commercial art core area. We had the range of people from the homecoming queen to the outcast druggy in our core area. But we were all brought together with the common interest of art.

I went to a traditional high school for my first year. I never quite fit in anywhere. I wasn't a "freak" as we called the crowd that enjoyed smoking pot in the back of the school bus. I certainly did not fit in with the "jock" crowd. My idea of an athletic activity was a game called slaughter that my friends and I enjoyed playing. It was not an organized sport in anyway, which is probably why we all enjoyed it. Not one of us were the organized sports type. We fit in with each other, but kind of stuck out in our school. In junior high some of us were mercilessly teased and picked on by both the freaks and the jocks.

When I transferred to Tech, I fit in. Students came from all parts of Des Moines. I was from the south side, my husband, who also graduated from Tech, was from the west side. One of my good friends was from the east side. Most of the students at Tech were there for a reason. The reason was our chosen core area. That is what brought us together. It was there that the homecoming queen and the freak from the back of the bus found common ground.  Not that it was a utopia in any way. There were still issues and still those bound and determined to cause drama, but it was not quite as pronounced there.

Sadly, the Des Moines school district decided to close Tech in 1986. The building remained a school, but no longer a Technical high school. It became more of a magnet school, where students from all of the schools from Des Moines and even surrounding school districts come to take classes that are not offered at their home school, not necessarily  a vocational class.

We got to tour the building for our reunion. It has changed to the point of being unrecognizable in many parts. There is now an elementary school and middle school in the building. (Perhaps this is the time I should point out that the building is a five story former WWII bomb factory with two basements.) The part of the building that I spent most of my time is completely different. The basement where Willie took auto mechanics looks mostly the same.

The reunion was a multi year reunion, not just our class. It was planned quickly and many who wanted to come couldn't due to short notice, but it was still well attended and a lot of fun. It was good to see a few old friends.

The best part was spending the weekend with my two best friends ever, Dawn and Kelley. The weekend was full of laughter till we had to run to the rest room or wet our pants. Memories of old times and jokes about menopause, part of the whole running to the bathroom problem. Each time we get together it is like no time has passed since we walked down the isle of the auditorium wearing our blue robes with blue and gold tassels.

We have been friends since we were McCombs Jr. High Trojans, and became Des Moines Tech Engineers. I can't see anything changing that now. We have shared tears, laughter, jobs and adventures. We fought over boys and built snowmen and finger painted on Dawn's mom's kitchen floor, yeah, we were in high school when we did those things, (maybe that explains a little about not fitting in at times.) We grew up together and are still growing and learning together. We live in three different states, yet have a bond that won't break. I don't know how I got so lucky, or what I did right to get to experience junior high, high school and life with these extraordinary women, but I thank God every day for them.